Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
