I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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