it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
