Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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