i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
