brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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