My brain says no but my pants say off.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
