did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
