i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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