I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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