i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
