i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Tell her she can't have a vagina
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
