Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
