btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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