He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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