I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
