Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
