i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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