I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Don't tell me you're on acid again
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
