I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
