yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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