Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
