I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I wanna bring you to show and tell
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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