Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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