I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to calm my uterus...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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