No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
