there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
