I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
