Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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