I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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