My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
