So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
