Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
