Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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