The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
