so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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