She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
