I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
