marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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