I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
