I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I need a beard to bite.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
