I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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