In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize