You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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