He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
