He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
