Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
