I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
