if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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