Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
