it hurts more in the daytime
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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