haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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