I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
