IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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