I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
