once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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