I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Randomize
