Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
