If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
