im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize