Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I want to be your penis for a week.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
