I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
