I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize