I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
