i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
