I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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