I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
