My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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