You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
