Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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