then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
vagina is talking i cant
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
