Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I am one with the molecules
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
