My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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