I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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