Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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