So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
