i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
