Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize