waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
