he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
