girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
