woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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