My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
