Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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