is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
