And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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