did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I got inside last night via doggy door
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
