Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
