i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
