i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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