the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
