You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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