i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
