Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize