I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My balls are so social today.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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