So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
