saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Dick very happy bro
I have tasted many bathrooms
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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