I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
