In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So much Jack, so little girl.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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