I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
