i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
