i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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