my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize