Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Randomize
