My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
