Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
