people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
