Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found your dick twin last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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